A client of mine was facing relentless unpredictability at work and at home: office politics, murky reporting lines, instability in Washington, D.C., and two teenagers in full hormonal flux. 

At his best he connected patterns, used humour and thought strategically.

Then an unexpected event outside his control triggers him into reactivity as he defends his way of seeing.

He is highly self-aware, which made the swings all the more frustrating for him. From one meeting to the next I do not know which version will arrive.

My role is to hold two perspectives simultaneously. From the balcony I watch the dance floor. With him, I step onto it.

From the balcony I see patterns he misses. Last week a subtly double-dealing peer, arguments with one daughter, and clashing instructions from two reporting lines struck unexamined assumptions he carries: contain emotion, prize loyalty, and limit transparency to stay safe. He flips into reactivity.

On the floor I sometimes misjudge his real-time capacity to handle complexity and keep priorities clear. His capacity shifts week to week. I might ask for three moves when one is enough, or push for a long-term frame when he first needs a stabilising next step. My task is to match the ask with his bandwidth in the moment.

This got me thinking: which unexamined assumptions of mine limit my sense-making under relentless change?

For years I met uncertainty with another course. The certificates hid my confusion about direction in a fast-changing, demanding world. I relied on analysis and other people’s frameworks, adopting their values to fit in and seem credible. My self-trust thinned and my self-perception warped.

In time I saw that collecting education was distracting me from deepening my own sense-making. I love learning, and I do not regret any investment in it. My clients and I benefit from the breadth of my education. Nevertheless, I also used it as a crutch that slowed discernment and kept experience from maturing into wisdom.

Clients bring entangled lives. When I overuse intellect, I separate what they need me to hold together.

So, I am moving from collecting frameworks to composing a small set of principles I can stand on and update when the map and the terrain part company, including:

§  Sense before solve: name the patterns before choosing a tool.

§  Whole over part: include head, heart, body and context in each decision.

§  Tend the tension: balance stability/change and plan/experiment; do not try to “win” one pole.

I’m learning to hold these principles lightly, weave among systems as patterns shift, and use knowledge as tools, so today’s choices serve the emerging future.